here i stand

UGH!
i'm so mad.
everyone in holly springs is gay and out of control.
seriously i hate basically everyone besides hayley and lauren.
i don't know what the hell their problem is, and why they are so friggen obssessed with hayley.
uh, she's human you know...not god.
*you know what i mean hayley, that isn't a bad thing :D
apparently, my "friends" and hayley are planning me a party.
i'm sooo nervous, cause i really would prefer to know what they are planning.
but i can't, so i'll stop worrying now.
i wish i could babble on about my newest excitement, but that would be basically impossible for me to do as of now.
well i only have two real days of school left so i'm hella excited for summer.
although, i will have absolutely nothing to do all summer, except worry.
cause that's all i do.
and i'm super anxious that over summer i will lose all my friends.
if i don't see/text them a lot during the summer and they hang out with other people.
they will like forget about me.
and i can't afford to lose anybody right now.
ugh, i can't think about this right now...it's making me so anxious and shaky.
i'm out.

me vs the world

ughh. my mind is like filled to the friggen brim!
i'm being a little worry wart lately, and it pretty much sucks.
blahh. and stupid exams are next week...which i know i won't study for cos i can't focus which leads to me not doing well, which seems to happening a lot lately.
but whatever, in like seven days, i'm done with school.
and then finally summer, which i have been looking forward to since about feburary.
oh, and lately my mom has been totally pissing me off and i have no clue what i did.
i came home from school today and was eating lunch and she's all like "its taking you forever to eat, probably cause you've been texting inbetween bites."
whatever.

fame < infamy

i'm so ready for summer to start, i'm majorly stressed out.
and i'm pissed cos i have like c's and d's and those grades aren't up to my usual a's and b's standards.
besides school everything has been so werid latelty.
i don't know who or what to depend on.
seems like one day varies hugely from the next.
one day my parents absolutely can not stand me and the next they can't get enough of me.
i'm so confused with everything and everyone.
so my only real outlet is this stupid blogspot in which no one reads.
i haven't cried in months until about two nights ago.
i guess i finally realized i can't count on anyone but myself.
people don't seem to be the people i thought they were.
and it's starting to freak me out.
like what have i got myself into, sorta.

i'm not ordinary, i'm extraordinary.

so yeah, i'm pretty amazed/pissed off at a comment made to me today during fourth period.
it goes as follows "megan, you should go goth...cause you look good in black."
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!
do i look like the type of person who worships the devil and all the jazz.
i don't think so.
and the sad thing is, when i told my mom about it she said "maybe because you are becoming one."
again WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!
maybe everyone sees me completely different than i see myself.
and i don't really like the sound of that.
anywho, besides that wonderful comment, i've been having a pretty good week so far.

last week was the sixth month, as i like to call "anniversary", since young wild things.
it really got me thinking...how much that one day changed a whole half a year.
i guess after finally reaching one of my dreams, it changed me.
i finally met the people i used to dream about meeting before bed at night, and i still can't believe it happened to me.
and also, i met hayley.
she's helped me SO much since i met her.
honest to blog, i don't know what i'd do if i had't met her.
she's the first person in about, oh two years, that i have told everything too.
and that's not easy coming for a closed book like me.
and i can't wait to hang out with her this summer :D
but since november 7th 2007, i've started becoming the person i want to be, and not the person that i feel i have to be to fit in.
i don't care about fitting in anymore, all i need is a few close friends...and that's all that really matters to me.
and it makes me feel good to know i have people that will there for me in my high's and low's.