sometimes i just want to runaway

why am i so desperate? for friends? for attention? i don't know. i'm trying to change so i can keep my friends and family, but it's kind of hard. i realize i have bad habits...everyone does, i just don't really know what mine are until things get bad. i've recently find out a few though and i think i've done a pretty excellent job at quitting them cold turkey. but i found out something i really hate about myself last night. i change myself to please the people around me. at taryn's, i was not being myself at all! and i wanted to slap myself in the face and say "snap out of it" but i never did. i can only act truly myself around my family and hayley. i know that's pathetic but it's true. i guess after being called fake, it's kind of all i think about (minus madina lake)
enough rambling.
well, actually...
i'm going to try and start driving soon. and to set the record straight, the reason i don't drive is because of anxiety...not because i'm too lazy to. i swear. i just feel like behind the wheel, i have too much control and i can't take all the pressure! what if something goes wrong? can i react fast enough? i have questions ruining through my head the whole time making it SO hard to focus on the road. and i don't want to risk my parent's and my life because of my anxiety. but hopefully, i'll get some help and be able to drive by next summer. because i need to get to warped, of course!